Te Kooti Brotherhood

by Te Kooti Brotherhood

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02:28
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02:22
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02:35
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03:18

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released November 8, 2014

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Te Kooti Brotherhood Auckland, New Zealand

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Track Name: Self Rejection
Self-rejection

So here I am back again
in the place where my conscience is dead
I count the days but the seasons play games
where it's cold as the desert hot as the snow
and I'm feeling the ebb and flow

hollow halo on my head
hollow telos keeps me bled

please don't tell my father of what I've done
can't you see my breath is getting thin in my lungs
it's me on repeat barking up another dead end telos

I've crossed the line on this one
I've gone too far on this one
yet we do it we do

why do we do these things to each other
as if we thought we could win
words won't make right and actions the same
these feelings of guilt bleed into haunts of shame
In waterfalls of our condemnation

I've crossed the line on this one
I've gone too far on this one
yet we do it we do

why do we write these stories for each other
in which to live out our fears
in the space of self-rejection
I've rejected the other in you
Track Name: Hibernaculum
Hibernaculum

In your red fur cap you hide away
in your red fur cap you shield the pain

you take the covering and try to encase the innocence
but it's lost within the covering
as the fear creates the separation
as the fear creates the hibernaculum

you walk the city in prejudice
to the hum of your own tune
you can't keep out what's within
you can't protect yourself

as the fear creates the hibernaculum

given over to the hibernaculum was when love became dissolved
in the breakdown of the fearless within and without
then you felt there was something in your belly growing bleeding out
birthing the pangs of the dead in you

you couldn’t cope to look out
alexithymia
in your eyes and through your touch and in your mouth
filling the doubt
filling the doubt
filling the absence
within and without

it gets hard when you can no longer hear your name
beneath the folds of this fur cap
Track Name: Purging
Purging

From my perception
there is something inside of me
that longs to make the purge of
what it is I can't account for manifesting

there's a build up through my desire
causing tension
that won't give in til someone takes the blame
and someone walks the shame
to deflect myself
to distance the messy grey

it's always easier to point the blame
it's always easier to deflect the blame

and it's the story I've lived by
and it's the story I've bought time and time again
to disassociate my participation
in all our purging and endless dirges
to renounce the pain
to renounce the shame
Track Name: Placebo
Placebo

I've distanced myself from myself from the world
reminding that I'm never too far
from forgetting these sugar pills in all of this stuff
endless illusions of never enough
and never too far for just round the corner
will come the latest deferral

I'm swimming in sugar pills resting on sugar pills
and they're resting all the way down
my body reacts the same but my desire always returns me to
the tasting of endless deferral through endless rehearsals
of some other worldly dream of perfection
drawing me to my lack of acceptance
which cultivates the distancing

when will I when will I ever give up
this carrot that sits out in front
always just out of reach
Track Name: Convolution
Convolution

And when you said that you weren't coming back for me
my body tightened
and I couldn't move to the breath of the air in my lungs

and the words you said and the instant distance
and the turn of colours into blacks and greys
oh what a convolution

and the bile in my stomach forms a pile of discarded memories
tightened in a convoluted sense of vague haze
of what was and the effects of what could've been
but that's just what ifs and so it goes
and so I throw myself at the mercy of time and the space of blood cells
and body tissue to do their thing and mend this convolution

here's the urge to be whole again
here's the urge to arrest the convolution
that these things never fill the holes but how often we return to them
within the convolution
Track Name: Mirrors
Mirrors

Verging on pass out in the passenger seat
for a night she never wanted
yet deep in herself she knows that this is a cold imitation
of truly knowing she’s wanted
she never heard those words from daddy
that all little girls long to hear
or feel his embrace to let her know
that she’s his cherished princess

instead she feels the embrace of a strange man
in a strange place with a strange sense
that this won’t be the last time

instead she feels the embrace of a strange man
in a strange place with a strange sense
that this won’t be the last time
she chases the hopes of ever knowing that she is beloved

it’s in the mirror where she met her mise en abyme
her self-rejection played out reflections
through endless toasts to the creature gods
propping up our world of comparative games
as she looks and peers and calls
on words on words on words on words of love
which couldn’t lift her eyes above

and so she feels the embrace …
Track Name: Distance
Distance

Distance establishes home in the space of the between
on a train miles away
looking across at unfamiliar faces stories places
that possess the power to conjure up an openness
to the ordinary of which I've become well accustomed to
the closest things need a separation
to remind what one has from what one does not

distance establishes home in the space of the between
in your eyes there's a distance that works itself in me
speaking words of everything we're not is everything I cling to
and everything that clings to me
a hopeless wandering for some
becomes a hopeful beckoning for me
to believe that there's something more
in this open space of the between
Track Name: Procrustean
Procrustean

Did you not stop to think of anyone but yourself
cos you do that
you make it all about yourself
and I guess these words mean nothing to you
that the world it doesn't revolve
around your little head
no matter how much you'd like to train it to

you're not the cornerstone
and could I say that any louder
you're not the cornerstone
so you can taste these words right from my mouth
and I can go to bed without the thought of all your pushing and pulling
and making me less something

when our tongues keep moving to the feeding of our frustration
there won't be any space left here between us
Track Name: Polarities
Polarities

You're so quick to take your side
as if these poles were not aligned
and I keep asking
is there no bridge to rectify
cos somehow we need both sides

you said you felt it in yourself
and your emotions moved you
and I can't argue with your prejudice
but I won't settle for less than hearing
the other that constitutes you

polarities open me to the other unseen unheard
amidst the greys
outside of pendulum turns restrained

I'm disposed to the open
in the place of listening to learn
something I didn't know
cos at the end of the day
you've never got the last word
Track Name: Structures
Structures

is this the blackness
is this the blindness
is this the ending
somewhere in the depths of me
is this the meaningless
the remainder after structures
subside into the breeze

I'm coming down off the structures

all the structures
all the structures
to give us meaning
towards the fleeting
but we're still bleeding

cos we forgot
just how high we'd got
and we resigned
to this old backdrop
with eyes veiled
into the pale
but I’m still praying for colour
to illuminate beyond these structures

I'm coming down off the structures